I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
