if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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