last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
