I want to stick my p in your. b.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
