id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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