he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
