Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
