Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
