"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
