Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
