I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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