Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
