Your dad touched me again.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
