We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
