Don't you send me to vm
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize