dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize