The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
