You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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