Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
