her vagine was all disorganized.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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