he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he shaved USA in his pubs
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
