Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
