At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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