Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
