Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
