I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just blew my weed a kiss
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
