wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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