does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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