What did we do last night that was yellow?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
you never un-have a 4some
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
