You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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