his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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