I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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