your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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