I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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