seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
