He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
