"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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