He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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