Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
