If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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