Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
