This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
