Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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