Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You are a genius and a whore.
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