he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
