I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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