I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
