You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
