if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize