I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
