he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize