The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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