I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
