Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
