I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
