Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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