So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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