Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
