Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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