Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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