I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
