i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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