Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
this boner is exhausting
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
