Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
