Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
