I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
