i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he fucked my hip out of place.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
