Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
