And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
