Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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