I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
