Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
