You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
