She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
