'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
