Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize