Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize