I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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