I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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