that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
