pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
