God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize