Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
