is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
