the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just google imaged poop.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
