Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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