Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
