I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
