can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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