We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
