whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
