You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
