I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
