all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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