Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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