so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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