my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
