Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I need to align my fucking chakras
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