I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
