the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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