Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
