And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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