So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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