Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
