Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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