So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
