I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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