garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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